Going Vegan - One Week In

I've had issues with weight gain for over 11 years. It started around the time I had my gallbladder removed in 2008. The surgeon dismissed me without so much as giving me a pamphlet on necessary dietary changes, so I made none. I didn't know what a gallbladder did (other than cause me pain) so I didn't comprehend what a body without one couldn't do. My diet at that time consisted of a lot of convenience foods; I was, after all, working at a convenience store at the time. I'd nibble on junk while at work and come home to a fast-food dinner. I didn't realize that the high-fat content wouldn't be processed properly by my body, and I didn't start really noticing how much weight I was gaining until the downward spiral had been activated. Around the same time, my working conditions changed and I became much more sedentary. I've never been very health-motivated, so I didn't take any initiative to add exercise or a more rigid diet to my routine. (I really should have known better, especially after seeing my mom struggle with her weight for a very long time. I guess that's one of the side effects of having a medical letter excusing me from physical education for most of my schooling. I never learned to give a shit about my physical body, focusing instead on my mind.)

Fast forward to 2019. I joined my husband in trying the ketogenic diet early in the year. I hated every second of it. I felt deprived, hungry, and had even less energy than usual. I couldn't eat any of my favorite foods, even in moderation. Yes, I love carbs. But, there had to be a better way to moderate my caloric intake without total deprivation, right? I had lost around 25 pounds by the time I quit keto one month later. 

Next, at the recommendation of a few friends, I tried Weight Watchers (WW). WW has changed a lot in recent years, but at its core, it's still a very feminine-focused and somewhat body positive movement that forces you to track absolutely everything you put into your mouth. Their weekly printouts were inspiring, helpful, motivating, and so on-point. They always seemed to highlight something that I needed at that exact moment, whether it was integrating movement into sedentary activities (like getting up and walking around during every commercial break while watching TV or mindful eating, self-care, and body acceptance, all of which are great and very important for not just dieters, but all women). I was doing so well on the diet, losing 15 pounds within the first month and a half. Then, my mother-in-law joined me and things quickly went downhill. I won't go into the specifics because I'd hate for her to see this and take offense, but I eventually said "fuck it all" and completely abandoned protocol. 

As of a week and a half ago, I'd hit my heaviest ever weight. I won't share it because I don't feel like that will be very helpful to me or to anyone else, but suffice it to say I have at least a year's worth of weight loss ahead of me. 

I've always been repulsed by meat and considered going vegetarian/pescetarian. Right as we were deciding we really needed to change if we wanted to keep living, my husband watched the documentary Game Changers. It's a unique perspective on veganism and how healthy it is for everyone, but also how it can drastically improve athletic performance in men. (There was even a gross segment about "erectile strength" whatever-the-fuck that's supposed to mean.) I think they only had one female athlete on there and the only other woman on film was one of the football player's wives who makes a mean breakfast burrito. Coming at this from a cis woman's perspective, that was pretty disappointing, but I wasn't the one watching the documentary or needing a reason. I was surprised to hear about the changes a plant-based diet made after just one week. I've even noticed some of those changes myself after one week; lower blood pressure and lower bad cholesterol, less shortness of breath, etc. 

So now, I've been vegan for a week and I don't necessarily feel 'good', (which is nigh impossible for me right now in my perpetually sleep-deprived state), but I might feel better, and that's definitely an improvement. It's slightly easier to get around and get stuff done. I feel cleaner, but not yet leaner. I think I'm down around 5 pounds, but I still barely fit in my jeans. I felt much slimmer on the keto diet, but that's not sustainable at all. I'm eating lots of fibrous foods but haven't really been watching carbs at all, and I have indulged in a few vegan sweets. Check out MyDarlingVegan.com for amazing recipes, including a downloadable pdf with a scrumptious pumpkin date bar recipe. I'm going to try her wedding cake cookies next!

I'm still super exhausted and falling asleep while attempting to get stuff done, like all the time, but that's mainly due to sleep deprivation thanks to a messed up CPAP machine. (I got approved for a new one yesterday! Hopefully, that will fix most of my problems.) I'm also still in a ton of pain. I think it's related to arthritis in my spine (another awesome side effect of inactivity) but I'm sure my herniated discs and central canal stenosis add to it, too. I still wake up in agony every morning and it really sucks. This diet is probably lower in inflammatory foods than the junk I was eating before, but not low enough to fix my bloated midsection and unbelievable pain. So, that sucks, but I do feel so much better than before in some other ways. I feel better about myself and my choices. Even when I make a "bad" choice, it's still a vegan choice and that makes me feel slightly better about myself. I really like knowing that it's an ethical choice as well as a healthy one. I really like being part of the solution by choosing plant-based products and I feel like that leads me to make smaller, greener choices, too. We're using canvas bags and buying lots of organic produce. (We're still spending way too much money on food, and just in general, but we have also had to buy quite a few things that we will need for future recipes, too.)

For the first time in a long time, I have some hope, and I'm maybe a bit happier, too. It's still not enough to combat my doldrums of depression, but it is enough to help me with mindful meditation and focus. I still have a very long and arduous path laid before me, and I hope I'm up for the task, but for now, I'm going to take as a sign that I'm actually cooking and baking for a change, that I'm actually trying and giving a shit, as an undoubtedly good thing. We're making the focus on healthy choices rather than weight loss, but I can't help feeling a little disappointed in how my waist size doesn't seem to have changed and how my weight's barely down at all. I've never cared about my health and I don't really know how to begin.

And now, I'm going to try to find something to help me stay awake because I've been closing my eyes way too often and for too long while writing this, fingers drifting and holding down keys unintentionally, resulting in a lot of additional editing.